It takes 10 to tango
17 June 2006, 21:42
I saw a minivan driving down my street yesterday, flying two Brazilian flags. Brazil’s quadrennial moment is here. Suddenly everyone you meet is Brazilian, or they know someone who is Brazilian. They love samba, and they always drink caipirinhas. It’s wonderful—the green and yellow face-paint, the abandonment of earthly cares.
But there is a dark side to this carnival. I’m not talking about politics or poverty. I’m talking about Nike. Before the final match of France ‘98, Ronaldo had all kinds of health problems. First his ankle was in rough shape. Then he started vomiting and suffering from dizzy spells. Naturally, he was left off the starting lineup, but at the last minute he was added. He played poorly. France won 3-0. Why, fans asked, did the Brazilian coach play the ailing striker? The answer: Nike.
Well, at least that was the rumor. Conspiracy theorists decided that Nike had forced him onto the pitch. They had put too much money into his bulging legs and his round head for him to sit out of the final of the biggest tournament in the world. As Brazil faces Australia on Sunday, you might want to keep this tale in mind. Nike sponsors both the Selecao of Brazil and the Socceroos of Australia, so they have a vested interest in this one. They may not be forcing players onto the field, but they are conducting some strange, stealthy advertising campaigns, like this fake myspace page. It’s supposed to be a fan site, but it contains ads for Australia’s team. In them, an old troll represents “history.” The upstart Socceroos don’t pay that old history any mind. They just do it. Ugh.
Meanwhile, Ronaldo’s at it again. He’s been under heavy criticism for his bloated body and his apparent inability to run. And now, Spanish sports paper La Marca reports he’s having dizzy spells that, a team doctor says, are caused by stress. Oh, history!
Whatever happens with fat Ron, the Brazilians need to play better if they want to match their South American rivals from Argentina. At one point during Argentina’s 6-0 thrashing of Serbia & Montenegro, Univision color commentator Jose Luis Chilavert claimed that Argentina was passing to the beat of a tango. He sang along, and it seemed true. I counted 24 passes that led up to Cambiasso’s goal. The end sequence: Sorin to Saviola, to Riquelme, back to Saviola, across to Cambiasso, flicked to Crespo, backheel to Cambiasso. Gol.
Brilliant.
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Credits: Matthew McKown sent me the MySpace page and told me about the tango.
My brother Joe sent me the La Marca.
Thanks, Cow and Joe. Keep em coming, kids.
— Austin · 17 June 2006, 21:50 · #