Group E Preview
09 June 2006, 10:01
I once saw Juventus play at Giants stadium. They looked terrible in the first half. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Then they put in Pavel Nedved. He took over the midfield and changed the whole pace of the match. He was thrilling. His Czech Republic team is ranked 2nd in the world, just behind Brazil. Those rankings don’t matter much (The US is fifth), but when they are on top of their game, the Czechs are as good as anybody. They scored a ton of goals in European qualifying, and they can play with wonderful attacking flair. Their excellent goalkeeper is named Petr Cech (pronounced Czech), which seems like the beginning of a Slavic joke. They also have some good hair. Nedved’s Teutonic Prince Valiant locks and Milan Baros’ impressive middle part will match up well with the Italian styles. To win the Cup the Czechs need to be consistent, defensively solid, and healthy. They have a bunch of injury problems. Baros may be out for the first game against the USA. And everything hangs on Nedved’s knee. If he can’t play, the Americans have a shot.
I can’t help but root for Italy even though it kills me. The Italian league is always wrapped up in a scandal. This year, it’s a serious match fixing conspiracy that may involve a number of referees. The national team always plays boring defensive football, even when they have the best goal-scorers in the world. Then they lose on penalty kicks, and a tragic aria breaks out. This team, though, is supposed to be different. They are throwing people forward and playing with abandon. I love their tall striker Luca Toni who scored 31 goals this year for Fiorentina. He is 29 years old and was a late bloomer. He only got his first taste of stardom a year ago with Sicilian team Palermo. Now he is the toast of Italia.
The Italians also depend on playmaker Francesco Totti. Totti is mocked for his Roman accent and his lack of intellect. No spoiled sport, he published a book of dumb Totti jokes and gave the money to charity (e.g., Totti’s girlfriend sees that Francesco is getting wet on the terrace and calls out to him: ‘France, come inside, it’s raining.’ Totti: ‘But it’s raining out here as well.’) As usual, Italy still has an excellent defense, led by Allesandro Nesta and the outstanding goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon (The game against Cech will be a battle of goalie names). Strangely Italy has very ugly shirts this year. Off the field, though, they’re being outfitted by Dolce & Gabanna.
The USA face a tough task. They need their captain Claudio Reyna to be healthy, and they need an excellent performance from “Gooch” Onyewu, a big central defender who plays in Belgium. Most of all they need somebody to score goals. Prediction: Brian McBride will not win the Golden Boot.
Ghana’s Michael Essien, who plays for Chelsea in England, is know for crunching tackles. He is also an excellent attacker, and can change defense to offense in seconds. His team is tough and flexible. They have a difficult group, but they will present problems for the favorites.
Group G Preview
09 June 2006, 09:58
Legendary French midfielder Zinedine Zidane retired from international soccer a few years ago. Then, he had a vision at three o’clock in the morning. “I woke up suddenly and then, I talked to someone,” he said. “It’s a mystery… I can’t explain that encounter myself. That person really exists but it all comes from very far.” Zidane promptly came back to the French team. “An irrepressible force seized me then. I had to obey that voice that was giving me advice.” When the celestial Theirry Henry heard the news, he announced, “God is back.” God, however, is getting old. So is the whole French team. They are loaded with skill and experience, but will they repeat the championship of 1998 or go out winless like they did last time? God only knows.
As for the rest of the group, Korea hopes to repeat their improbable semi-final run. It will be harder without home-field advantage. They run like crazy, but they will have to find an in-form goal scorer. Switzerland was a surprise qualifier, and many people are picking them as a dark horse.
Togo is not the best team in Africa, but they have great fans and a lot of style. The players had recently confronted the military leaders (who also run the football federation) who, they thought, were withholding money. The team may not win, but they might start a coup.
Group F Preview
09 June 2006, 09:29
The Brazilian midfielder Juninho is the best player in the French league. He scores incredible goals from free kicks, dribbles through defenses, and sets up his teammates in perfect positions. But he may not play at all in the World Cup because Kaka is the best playmaker in Italy, and Ronaldinho is the best player in the world. Brazil is too good. They will play with four interchanging attackers, Kaka, Ronaldinho, and the two big, bullish goal-scorers Ronaldo and Adriano. Everyone behind them, including the legendary wingbacks Cafu and Roberto Carlos, will support the attack. They have a bunch of great young players like Robinho (the new Pele) to bring off the bench, and they have a guy whose name is simply “Fred.” If the stars are aligned, this Brazil team could put in the greatest performance of all time, and this World Cup could be the Ronaldinho show. If not, they could end up like France in 2002. The French entered the World Cup as defending champions and favorites and went home without scoring a goal.
None of the other teams in this group is outstanding, but they each may do well. Japan is coached by one of the great all-time Brazilian players, Zico. My friend Steve says that they have trouble scoring goals and sometimes they play with five forwards. Five forwards! Awesome.
Croatia always has some version of a red-and-white checkerboard on their shirts. This year their jersey is a little too much of a pastiche, just a nod toward the red checkerboard of the past. It’s still good. The team is young. They hope to repeat Croatia’s 1998 surprise third-place performance.
Australia hasn’t been in the World Cup in 32 years. But they scored a lot of goals in qualifying, then beat a tough Uruguay team. Their Dutch coach Guus Hiddink did an excellent job with South Korea in 2002. But the Australians may be held back by an unfortunate nickname: the Socceroos.
Group H Preview
09 June 2006, 09:28
Spain has a great goalkeeper, a solid defense (I love Puyol!), and a world-class midfield. But who will score goals? Raul, who was once incredible now but isn’t now, is a sacred cow. The coaches won’t dare bench him. Fernando Torres will have to pick up the slack. He recently got rid of his multi-colored mullet, and that may help. Or maybe not. Spain is a traditional underachiever, always talented, always a little disappointing. They should get out of the group, but then anything could happen.
The Ukrainian team has six different players named Andriy. Only one of them is Schevchenko. He is the greatest goal-scorer in Ukrainian history and one of the best strikers in Europe. He has been injured, and Ukrainian hopes are pinned to his recovery.
Tunisia are tough. They play direct European style soccer, and are well organized. They have a chance to qualify, and it may come down to their last game against the Ukraine.
I must admit to knowing nothing about Saudi Arabia. A lot of the players come from the same team in their domestic league. The Saudis keep making it into the World Cup, but they haven’t fared particularly well on the big stage. Maybe this will be their year.
Group D Preview
08 June 2006, 11:04
Angola, Iran, Mexico, and Portugal. I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of those four nations at once. Angola are rank outsiders. Their resource-rich, but war-ravaged, country has a life expectancy of 38. Their team has the lowest FIFA ranking of the 32 participants. I am supporting them all the way. On Sunday they face Portugal who ruled Angola for hundreds of years. The last time they played each other, four Angolans were ejected, and the game had to be abandoned with 20 minutes left. Fasten your seatbelts.
Portugal have the oddly coiffed and languid Luis Figo. He’s no longer at his prime, but the young dribbling wizard Cristiano Ronaldo (named after Ronald Reagan) may shine. They should win the group.
Mexico scored the most goals in qualifying. Many of them came off the head of Jared Borgetti. They are still reeling from their loss to the USA in 2002 and hope to redeem themselves this time.
Iran’s best player, Ali Karimi, is often called the Maradona of Asia. I’m not sure why. He doesn’t look or play like the Argentine great, but he is very good. Iran’s got a solid nuclear program and sexism (Will women be allowed to watch the World Cup?). They also have a good team that might get through.
Group C Preview
08 June 2006, 10:58
This is the group of death. It’s the hardest to pick, and it presents the most exciting match-ups. Don’t miss Argentina-Netherlands on Wed. 06/21.
Argentina are probably the favorites. This team is incredibly talented from back to front. With all the hype about Brazil, the other South American side may hoist its 3rd championship cup. The Albicelestes have predatory goal-scorers like Hernan Crespo. Their playmaker Juan Roman Riquelme has great vision and a deft touch. And then there is Messi. Eighteen-year-old Leo Messi is the best young player in the world. He is wickedly fast. He can dribble through crowds. He sets up goals, and he scores them. In 2002 an over-hyped Argentina was knocked out in the first round. Don’t count on a repeat performance.
The other favorite in the group is either the Ivory Coast or Netherlands. The Dutch are always good, and they have great names: Dirk Kuyt, Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. This team features speedy youngsters like Chelsea’s Arjen Robben. They play with three forwards. Their wingers break down defenses, and their center forward, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, pounces on the ball and puts it away.
My team is the war-torn Ivory Coast. Their names are pretty good too (Gilles Yapi Yapo, Didier Drogba). Drogba rules. He is an imposing goal scorer with slick hair. His special celebration dance called the fouka-fouka has taken the nation by storm. I also love Emmanuel Eboue, a fullback who bursts up the wing. In Africa, they call the team the Elephants. Come on the Elephants!
Rounding out the group is the Plavi from Serbia – Montenegro (not war-torn but recently cleaved down the middle). They have the best defensive record in the tournament, having surrendered only one goal in ten qualifying matches. That’s 0.1 goals/game, though maybe I should check my math with “300 percent” Rooney (See group B preview). They face three of the best attacking teams. Something has to give.
Group B Preview
08 June 2006, 10:30
Wayne Rooney’s health is the big question mark that hangs over Group B, but before I get into that, I’d like to celebrate Trinidad & Tobago (and particularly Tobago). It’s the smallest nation that qualified and perhaps the biggest underdog (along with Angola). The team is led by 34-year-old Dwight Yorke and 37-year-old Russell Latapy (When I asked a Trinidadian friend about them, he said strangely of Latapy, “He’s a smoker too.”) Down in the Caribbean, you can hear a host of dancehall hits celebrating the “Soca Warriors,” and their popularity has spread throughout the world. T&T jerseys have been on back order for weeks. I wish I had one. I want to be part of the Trinidadian party when they face their former colonists. Who knows? They may tie.
On to Rooney. If you’ve been under a rock, you may not have heard that England’s 20-year-old superstar broke his foot and is struggling to make it back. Every day there is a new story about his health, and yesterday I read in the English tabloids that Rooney is 300 percent sure that he will play. That’s a lot of percent. Case closed.
England has looked pretty good in recent friendlies without Rooney. They’ve relied on Peter Crouch, a pale string bean, as his replacement. Crouch lacks grace and speed, but he makes up for it with remarkable agility, good vision, and a great robot dance, straight out of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. The player that impressed me most for England, though, is named David Beckham. Beckham is entering the VH1 stage of his celebrity. He can’t dribble, and he has lost a step. But there is no one more accurate with long passes and free kicks. He could hook up well with the tall Crouch. That being said, no English player performs with show-stopping flair, save one thuggish-looking youth—and he has a broken foot.
The other favorite in the group is Sweden, but they are hampered by injury problems. Calvin-Klein model/midfielder Freddie Ljungberg has been sidelined recently with a sore foot. They will need Ljungberg and (non-model) striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic to play well if they want to advance.
The wildcard in this group is Paraguay. They may go very far in the tournament, or they may bow out early. They have some talented young players including 18-year-old Jose Montiel and 22-year-old Nelson Valdez. Their top attacker has a great name: Roque Santa Cruz. Like Ljungberg, he is an injured looker (Die Welt named him the sexiest player in the tournament) struggling to be fit for the first game. What I like most about Paraguay: the orange stripes.
Group A Preview
06 June 2006, 23:47
Group A is Ecuador’s to lose. They may be the worst team that qualified from South America. I’ve never heard of most of their players, and they don’t even have a real shirt sponsor (Marathon?). But I have several reasons to back “La Tri”:
1) I have an Ecuador jersey from 2002.
2) An Ecuadorian shaman has been cleansing evil spirits from German stadiums. He was recently seen cavorting with beauty queens.
3) The Galapagos Islands.
4) Pele picked them. His picks are generally wrong, but he’s the greatest!
5) This is the weakest group.
6) Did I mention my jersey?
Most of the Group A talk surrounds the hosts. Germany has won three World Cups, and they were finalists last time. They are now coached by legendary striker Juergen Klinsmann. His signature goal celebration was a face-down, head-first dive across the grass, a sort of Pete Rose slide. (I hope that some of the newer players, maybe the 21-year-old goal-scorer Lukas Podolski or the mullet-headed midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger, will “do a Klinsmann” in tribute.) This is a more attack-minded and free-flowing team than the old German sides, but it is not as talented. Somehow (conspiracy anyone?) they found themselves in the easiest group. They depend on the health of their best player, Michael Ballack, a strong, agile attacking midfielder. He’s hampered by a calf injury.
As for Poland, they have a player known as the “hash bomber,” which is good, I think. But they recently lost to Colombia, and the Colombian goalkeeper scored. No joke.
And Costa Rica… well, it’s a nice place to visit. Or so they say.